And I Won't Give Up..

You wanna stick with those people...even when life gets tough and things don't go your way that they'll stand by you and not give up on you. You may be the most frusterating and confusing person in the world, but still those ones that truely truely love you, they'll stay by your side!! Now it's finding those people that is challenging.

Gone.(but.not).For.Ever

Death of a 16 year old boy. 16 years old. Death. Gone. For.Ever
How tragic. How utterly horrific and impossible.
I don't yet believe it. I know it happened, I just don't want to let my mind wrap itself around the whole thing. I didn't know the kid. I mean, he went to school with me and being in the same school with 100 other people, you're forced to be pretty close with everyone. So yes, we skipped skipping rope together in grade 4 or whatever, and played chicken tag, and all that, and we had talked before, nothing personal and we had zero communication the past 3 or 4 years, but a death is a death! That just means gone!
But does it really? I mean, gone yes, his spirit is no longer here with us. He's not walking the halls of Miller anymore. He will never go home to his mom and dad again, but his mom and dad will go home to him one day. He's not gone forever. Or atleast he doesn't have to be. Being in the Christian family, you're all brothers and sisters in Christ. Instead of goodbye, it's an "I'll be seeing you soon." We are all going to miss him, but it does bring comfort to think about where he is. A much better place then here on the all so confusing planet, Earth.
I heard multiple times today "I'm not very good at dealing with death." I hope no one ever has to be. Death is the hardest thing for most people, and it's confusing to know why God would let it happen. But I do think this tragic accident has touched a lof lives. It's touched mine. You know how close I'm holding my life today? And I'm trying to tell everyone I love how I feel about them. I need to do that more because you never know when your time or theirs will be.
And as long as I have the ones I love around me, nothing can be that bad. As long as I have God.
Today, 2 of my friends and I had a prayer circle in the hall. I would have never done that before this happened. This has put me on a spiritual high. It's pulling the whole school together. I just hear and see people who never ever talk, joining hands, and being there for eachother. To be that listening ear that everyone needs today.
It's sad to think about all the death I will have to deal with one day. My grandparents are getting older, my parents will eventually get old and die and I'll have to mourn every one of them. It's scary to think about. This gives me a huge reality check that we're nowhere close to invinsible.
Bad things happen.
I feel horrible for the family of that 16 year old boy. The parents were at our school today, and you wouldn't believe it. They weren't even crying. Maybe it hasn't hit them yet, but I'm thinking the actual truth is that God is huge in their lives right now. More then ever before. They're excepting it, and knowing they'll see their boy again someday. I can't believe this has happened though, yet. I don't think I will for a long time. I gotta let it sink in first...

Hmmm?

I just do not know what to say.

Participating In Life

I went the the Brandon Jazz Festival this past weekend. A great time really! My friends are funny children really. Silly Silly! The group M-Pact came. (A vocal jazz group) and they were jaw dropping amazing! The one guy said "it's a great thing, to be able to participate in life" and he was talking about that as in his music, and that is the truth. To be able to attend that music fest that's going on in nature by adding your voice and your talents in the mixture. That's why I sing :) My stupid guitar and capo are at school now. Can't play guitar for the next few days. I might just cry!!! :( Back to vocal jazz. All the groups were amazing and we really nailed the program too. Very well ladies!! I'm so proud of them all!!!!!

I Wish You Could Be Happy Instead

Darlin' by Avril Lavigne could describe many of the experiences with my friends...Many days. Trying my best to come up with something to say that will help them through the day, when really I can't do anything. I can't say anything to change the situation, and that's the truth of it. I don't always know what to say. I'm no superfriend.
"Pretty please, I know it's a drag,
wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead,
there's nothing else I can do,
but love you the best that I can"
It's a good song. :) But anyways. Being a bestfriend is hard sometimes. To always know what to say, and be a good shoulder to cry on. The definition of best friend isn't me.
But yet they keep up with me! Thank goodness, because I couldn't loose them for the world! honestly, they mean the world to me! And all our laughs and everything just gets me through the day!

Trust Me, Trust You

Trust. Something that takes years and years to build, and one second to break. That's how everything is. Relationships, friendships, hope, love, reputation, excitement..the list goes on. All the things people strive for it seems. And then all the feelings such as hate and anger can be stirred in a second and take years to repair. That's why life can be dumb. And various other reasons, that I won't go into detail with in this episode of blogging. I have had friends in the past that I've trusted with all my heart, and then one day it's just over by the snap of their finger, and we just stop talking, just like that. I don't get it. Although, that's junior high I suppose. You know, random silent treatment days, those are the greatest. You're standing there like "what the heck did I do?" It's kinda funny looking back on though. We thought we were so cool. I've learned so much in the past year. We tried to tell ourselves we weren't dramatic, all the people around us were, but I know for one thing, I was a dramatic person. I still can be to be perfectly honest. I suppose that's just how it goes, especially grade 7-8. What dumb hormonal years! Back to trust. I want so much for people to trust me, but I have to remind myself that's not how it goes. And I know how it takes me a long time to trust someone. A really long time sometimes. That's probably better then the "heart on my sleeve" aspect. Or maybe I'm missing out on some to be friendships? Not taking chances also isn't the way to be. Meh. I don't have to have all the answers yet I suppose. That's why blogs were invented. To vent. Somewhere to be opinionated. Well that's what I use mine for.

Perfection

Having the label "Christian" you're expected perfection and nothing less. That's not what you're gunna get from me. My youth paster/sunday school teacher made a comment that really got me thinking...
"Being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect. It means you can find where perfect is." -Mike Wolfe

Can I Post Twice In One Night?

Serious blogging now!!! Or just serious boredom. Gotta love boredom. Some of the best times of my life are when I'm bored. Like waiting for the train to Churchill, MB with some of the coolest kids on earth! That was a trip of a lifetime! But wow, wouldn't that be a boring place to visit without the children I gallivanted with! Lol. Who says lol on a blog? Anyway. Or moments like when you're just so over tired and bored in a class like SocialStudies, Math, something that can't hold your attention...And there you are just zoned then hyper then laughing and then back to completely space bound. That's the good life! Or maybe that's just me. I don't know. And then boredom can be pull out my hair kind of deal and that's one of those shoot me now experiences. Weird how I'm blogging on boredom. I'm a cool kid right here. Yay! Laugh Out Loud. I'm sitting here with a dead expression on my face. Oh Internet lingo. ROFLMAO. I remember the day I realized what that meant. I felt so hip...supa fly. Or even something like "idk". Or "w/e"...or the classic "jk" oh and now the big thing is "ikr!" I'm all up on this cool stuff...Finally. Us Rosenfeld folk and our ignorance. :) Ignorance is bliss though. I suppose. Other then when it comes to facebook lingo. Ikr?

I'm In Love Alri-i-i-ight With My Crazy Beautiful Life :)

I am in love with life right now! I can't stop smiling sometimes. It's crazy, I feel insane, but it's so relieving. Being with the ones I love is my paradise. My best friends, my family and that special boy in my life. Yes, the boy on the right column. :) Heehee. But anyways. Everything just makes me super happy these days. All those little dumb things that I'd usually look over. See I'm not a very observant person in most situations...Or detailed for that matter. Like if I was supposed to make something out of sand, I would be the one with the bucket trying to make a huge mound of sand and label it "ant hill" not the one with the big dragon coming out of the ground with some poetic name. Yet I write. I don't know, God made me different, that's for sure. Smiling. Smiling. Smiling. That's what I'm doing right now actually. Probably cuz I'm listening to some great music. Yes. Flyleaf :) So why am I so happy? Beats me. But it's awesome either way!

Goodbye Facebook

Lent started yesterday, and I'm giving up Facebook. It's a relief actually! It's way too addicting and I'm on there way too much!
It's a long weekend this weekend. Thank Goodness. I'm done with school for the week. Burned out! Tonight I might be going to see Beastly so that's great! This weekend should be nice to rest up and prepare for another long week of school.
Sewing is over. *Few* Time for cooking. Oh my gosh. I am going to be horrible! :/ Whoever's in my kitchen will be sorry they're stuck with me! Gotta go! Time to go to schoool!
L8r G8r

And for He who I love most

Why is it that God is my #1 in everything, yet I completely shun him when the rubber meets the road? And why is God so hard to talk about? Or belief or anything along those lines? I'm not embrassaed, but it's not an easy topic to just happily come up...you know what I mean? Then I see something like all the stars in the sky, or a new baby that's born, and I think "why can't I bring myself to tell people about the love of my life?" That's the question that always seems to stump me. To show Christianity in school...I believe it's Psalm 107...I just came across a part of it the other day that really got me "Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!" Wow, powerful words right there. I don't wanna be ashamed infront of God that I haven't been the "good and faithful servant" I know I should be. It's frusterating! I can be such a robot of the world. Completely conform. Just like every other lost person out there. Aren't those who believe in a higher power, the Almighty God supposed to act it? To talk about it? Why can't we? Why can't I?

People Like That...

This boy...this one boy has been on my mind for the past 2 days. My grandma and grandpa had him at their place a few weekends a month, so I got to see him. His name's Jason and he's now out in Alberta...I doubt I'll see him again. Anyways, he's a foster kid. House to house, that kind of deal. Can you imagine being in and out of bad homes, from one mom and dad to another and to top that off, he was born with one leg shorter then the other so he cant run, or jump or play like the other children...yet he is the happiest boy on earth. He has one of those smiles, you can't find anywhere else. Just brighten up the whole room. So funny and plain loving life, despite the crap he's been through, and is still experiencing!! Why do people out here, people with everything they could ever ask for mope around like their life sucks when really someone like little Jason would kill for a life like that. I am one of those that takes everything I have for granted. One little thing happens and my world is shaken up, when really I should take a step back and thank God for what I have because I am fortunate! Reality checks are necessary when you have everything you could want and more! So little Jason will forever be my role model. I will always look up to that little 9 year old's smile, and one day maybe he can teach me to smile like that.

I wIsH i HaD a KiTe...

For someone who loves to write, and writes a lot for that matter, I sure am not keeping up with this blog! Maybe my problem is I have no idea what I should write. I gotta just cut loose and let my fingers do the talking. Alright lets try this. Randomness here I come. So...yesterday being no school, I think that made it pretty clear that March came in like a lion. Now lets see if it goes out like a lamb. You remember that saying? I do. I can not wait for winter to be OVER. I'm sick and tired of this cold blustery slump we're in. This is the death stage. *sigh* When I can finally break out the old kite...that I no longer have. HEY! Anyone who's reading this. Buy me a kite for my birthday! :) Which is in 3 months and 8 days! I'm almost 15! Isn't that exciting! I don't care what it looks like, colourfull is all that matters. Definitly just changed that to my facebook status.