And I Thought I Loved You Then

My boy...I love him. I know I do. That is whats on my mind. Him. And us I guess. And everything we've been through. All the stupid stuff, and the adorible stuff and just the plain amazing stuff, and sometimes they're all mixed together. Sometimes I wonder how long him and I will be an us...A long time? A short one? Hmmm. Gotta wonder.

So It's Raining

I'm sitting here inside, and just wishing I wasn't. I'm wishing I could be sitting on our deck, outside, suntanning with that beautiful number 4 tanning oil...reading (I must be sick) or possibly writing. Yeah, that's more like it. But instead, I'm here, attending my blog that I haven't visited in months. Maybe not that long, I don't know. But it's been a while, and if you're keeping up to date on my life via blogspot, then sorry this is pathetic. I guess that's what good weather can do to a person. Or nothing to write about. Well, neither of those apply, because I'm stick a facebook addict, and there has been a lot of adventures happening in my little village life. So why don't I tell you about what's happening with me? Do you want to hear it? Well I don't care, either way I'm here typing, why not make it worth while.
School is over. My grade 9 year came to a close as I expected it would, yet didn't exactly believe I could get over that 14 year old mountain. Seems like I was that age forever. I guess I didn't mind that stage, but eventually, I'd like to be older. So now I'm living my summer up, being 15 (another thing that has happened since I last blogged - I aged a year) and trying to enjoy every minute because I know soon enough I'm going to be back in my chair at school watching the clock tick, slower and slower with every second, craving 3:30 PM. And personally, summer is the best thing God has ever given to us human beings! A time to get my ducks in a row and to have a little R&R instead of worrying about due dates and exams.
I got my exam scores back and I was pretty impressed with myself I must say. I'm not an Albert Einstein or anything in school so finding I got a 89 on my Math and a 94 on my English was a pleasant surprise. Although, I'm pretty sure I deserved at least that by how much of my time I spent studying. I'm excited to find if I made honor roll or not. That would be an accomplishment! The only score that might put a dent in that dream might end up being my Home Ec final. 86. Home Ec. That is all because of the stupid sewing unit where I scored a grand total of 57%. Figures. I did post about that didn't I? I found the school got new sewing machines because of me and my handicaps. Ms. HM said she was done with having students like me who kept either a) breaking the machines or b) wasting countless hours with the teacher by my side trying to explain how the freaking machines work. It was a character building experience at best.
Summer 2011 I have decided is going to be the best summer ever. It has had a bit of a shakey start. I guess, I've kinda been testing the limits at home which causes for some tention and the feeling that I can't do anything right which is my own fault, but hey, you live and you learn.
Last year I had some creative goals for the summer months, and managed to achieve most of them. One of them was to eat a candy apple. Daring huh. Well, I did it at the Austin Rodeo type deal. It was a great time. Another was to eat a fried worm, and yes I did that. It was all maranated in something and delicious minus the gritty sand taste. I'd say try it some time. I had a few more, and now I'm sitting here trying to think of some goals I can have for this summer. Have any ideas?
I'm sorry, no adventures for today, I have to go, but I will try to post again soon and then ill tell you what's going on with me.

Hapiness Is Me

Crazy I just cant think....crazy i think im falling...hard...and i love every minute...that free feeling of no ground beneath my feet...its like comfort...surrounding me...and im in love...

I Need You Here

God, I need you here. Speak through me please. I need your love here with me, give me strength to say what I need to say! I feel like I'm collapsing under the pressure, and I'm honestly scared. I believe you can save me from this. I believe fully, because I'm yours God, and you will never leave me.
This is what I was saying this afternoon. I had a pounding headache because I over stress about everything. But the scary thing is what I'm thinking about is a legit big deal...I need to put my full hope and trust in God. Prayers please. God's working through me and I need to know what to say. I have a lot on my back right now. I need you here God with me! Help me to be who you want me to be.
Storm by Lifehouse has gotten me through everything lately. It's such a beautiful song. Look it up if you have the time.
And by the way, everyone, go to Soul'd. Get tickets online if you haven't already done that, or Crave on Monday, but either way I wanna see you there. It will actually change your life...and if you don't believe there's a God before that, you surely will afterwards. It is extremely moving. I love it. I love that feeling. At crave a few weeks ago, it was one of those experiences were I had my hands up in the air, and fully praising God, it was amazing. Once I sat back down one of my guy friends was like "it feels amazing, doesn't it?" That it does. Nothing will top that feeling!!!
God is such a huge stress reliever in my life. Especially lately. I feel like an instrument of peace for him or something. I think something awesome is going to happen...soon.
Listen to me ramble. Oh well, God does that to a person. This immense inner joy that can't help but bubble over. It's a beautiful thing!!!

Everything.

Every hopeless road I take turns me back to you. As hard as I try to lose myself so I don't have to face what's real...NO MATTER how numb...how cold...how utterly selfish and lost I become. How reassuring your arms are. The ones that hold me up, where no one can touch me. Not death nor sadness nor tears. Not a SINGLE glare, not a hateful word can be shot in my direction, because I am nestled in your love, and as long as you think I'm beautiful, that's all that matters. I can't feel anything but you, father. You're everything... You're my life. You're this smile on my face. You're the reason I rise, and why I get up when I fall. What can mean anything more to me then your voice whispering through the trees?...Tickling my face, I can feel you. Everywhere. In everything I do... Your laughter, I can almost hear you from way up above me. I want to be with you, to be near you, beside you, so you can show me your face, so I can tell everyone what you look like. So everyone can see you in everything they do, and recognize it is you... How I wish everyone believed you were holding them. That everyone acknowledged this feeling. This sense of security. The only sanity I can find. You are everything.

♥ Bare Feet On A Warm Day ♥

So, I'm inside...blogging...and my family is on the deck, in the hot sunny weather, I must have something important to say...
I walked home from church bare footed. That is exactly what I have been praying for. For all of you who don't know me, if I could go bare feet all year round, I would, but the stupid snow forbids me of that kind of luxury, so fine then.
Such a glorious Easter Sunday morning, and I am in love with everything. Life, love, my church, the weather, sunsets, God, my family ♥ I am so in love with life!!! And oh how I love being a Christian, especially on these worshipful days. Church today, again just made me realize how much God loves us, and Jesus, man, hanging on a cross so that we could be forgiven. How utterly AMAZING is that! :D For all of you who aren't best friends with Jesus Christ, I invite you to talk to someone about it, and are so invited to become his best friend too!!! Trust me, it will be the best decision you've ever made.
So lets hope it doesn't snow again, prayers for this weather to stay would probably be good!!! And that I can stay bare footed.

How Can I Stand Here With You?

And how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?
Everything
Lifehouse

Watch this video. It will actually change your life.
http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjULI_H4m5s
This was done at Soul'd in our own, Altona.
Come out this year. It will be the best decision you'll ever make.

I Wanna Be Strong

When I was little I was always the one to feel everything so intensely, and then I would get myself wrapped up, too tight and then try to stay strong, and cry. I am the same Ashton I was 7 years ago, now. A heart for everyone, so I would get myself involved, and even if it wouldn't be my issue, I'd try to help out anyways. Well, I've done it again. This time, it is more then just a fight over a skipping rope. It's serious. I wanna be strong, but I seem to run away when it gets tough. At school, I have a huge decision to make that may or may not cost me a friendship, and if not, it could cost a lot more then that too. I don't know what I want to do, but I know either way will not be easy. I called my dad from school he's like "How are you doing?" And I didn't say one word I just broke down crying and dad's like "Want me to come pick you up?" I just gave a little mhm and 5 minutes later he was in front of the school, there to pick me up. My safe haven, my dad. Talking on the way home, I have a gameplan now. But why couldn't I keep it together at school. I hate crying, and I'm not giving up! I'm going to pray and make the right decision, but I just can't handle this by myself. I wish I was stronger. To be more in control of how I react. Sometimes you just can not stop the tears. My first response is to want to make everyone happy with me again. Whatever I might do is going to breach some kind of friendship. Even if only for a while. Trust. I want to be trusted, but when do you have to step in? I need to talk to somebody :/ I don't know what to do! Please, prayers. Thanks.

I Am Done With Bad Hair Days...

I'm done with bad hair days. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and wishing I hadn't. I hate looking in the mirror is the truth of it. I hate lying awake at night and wishing I could be someone else. I wish I didn't hate who I was. I miss being in love with life. Loving life is a joke right now. I just wanna die some times. Those days where I don't eat lunch... Or supper for that matter. Because I feel ugly. Very ugly. ...I wrote that on February 11. I think every single girl has felt like that. And the ones that haven't, they are a whole lot stronger then I am. Oh some nights, I just want to give up. Those days I don't eat, because I think that will make me think more of myself. Ladies, we've been there. I am here to admit it, that I feel ugly, that I've felt ugly. I had a bit of an issue, and I guess I still do, with dieting. It's a want. It's a constant thought. No, I've never been anorexic, but I wanted to be. And I was getting closer and closer every day, until some friends, and my mom stepped him. And without them, I would be. Ugliness....And then when I let myself eat...more then I should, I just feel terrible about myself, like I've failed. That is the worst feeling. Failure. I could just cry thinking about those tears that I've cried, and that I know you've cried too. Media needs to stop with the impression of what beautiful is. What true beauty is. It is not plastic surgery. It is not minimal clothing. It is not cover girl makeup, or brand name clothing, and it is definitely not being something you are not. It is being YOU. I am a complete hypocrite if I say that though, I know I struggle to believe those words! But girls and guys too, we have to start to believe WE ARE PERFECT! There is not one thing you should change about yourself. Why change perfect?!? Please, listen to me. It's not worth skipping meals and self abuse, and all those other things. You are BEAUTIFUL, alright? I hope you can hear me in your head. Never. Ever. Give up.

Weekend Plans

My two favorite little boys are here for the day, what a lovely surprise to come home to :) (My cousins Colton and Xander) Oh just the best. And then I have a gathering tomorrow. The Cornelson side, so I'm pretty physicked about that. Other then that I guess I'm not doing a whole lot. Just chillin out! The 30 hour famine was today, I didn't do it, wouldn't have made it, well that and having a gathering takes sleep. Especially when dutch blitz is involved! It's snowing again. Perfect. Drat. >:\ ...<- that's me. I'm angry. School was good. Average. We're done with poem writing. That's sad in my opinion. The guys in my class wouldn't agree though, I know that much. I'm hungry all.the.time lately. Food is just too good!!! I wanna go shopping. Someone wanna take me on a spree? That would be good. Yikes, I need money then. *tearing up* Stupid money.

He Saved Me

He saved lives, worked Miracles, changed my world Forever. I beat him, moked him. and finally, killed him. He reached out to save me... and I denied it. But after he was gone I screamed "I believe!" It was too late. My best friend was dead. He put a smile on everyone's face. Brought people back to life ...And showed me how to love And I hung him on a cross, thanking him for all he's done by leaving him to die. Arms outstretched showing me that's how much he loved me. I turned away. Saying goodbye. He entered this world innocet. Left this world innocent. Why didn't I do something to save him? After everything he did for me.

Hockey Night In Canada (all.the.time)

We're crazy about playoffs. And so am I. Dang, the munchies are good ;) My monies on Vancouver!

Justin Robinett♥Micheal Henry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4rj_Vd_CQQ&NR=1http:// They make some pretty AMAZING covers :) Check um out.

Back 2 The Winter Cold

Not only can I see my breath, but the bite of a winter cold is here too in our household. My sister's fighting it right now, my brother just got over it and it's coming on strong here too. Brutal. I just got over a cold! I guess that was already 2 months ago, but still. Too many colds. And winter isn't even my colds time of the year, that would be summer. (Because I'm allergic to the world in the summer so I'm always battling some kind of stuffy nose.) Tomorrow's "fun in the sun" day at school. How badly I do not want to dress up because I couldn't handle my legs in -15 weather. Dang it. I wanted to wear shorts!!! :( So sad. Oh well, I'll decide eventually. What's the forecast for tomorrow anyways?

♥ And You Too ♥

It's about time I guess I talk a bit about my special boy... :) I never know what I want to say on things like a blog, or on facebook, or online in general, but he is one of the 4 things I love most (God, friends, my family and him) So I suppose I should write on that part of my life too. We've been best friends since grade 7. When I say best friends I mean, he's seen me at my ultimate worst, and ultimate best, and still his feelings for me don't waver because of how utterly unattractive, or beautiful I am looking in that moment. I can't believe it has only been 2 and a half years that I've known him. It feels like I've known him for a lifetime...Yet every day I learn something new about this kid, and every day he learns new things about me. Those little things you hold onto forever. The little quirks that make him, him. The little things I seem to take for granted, yet love the most. We both have our flaws and especially mine are seen on a day to day basis. As I've told you, I am a confusing, frusterating, change of plans kind of girl which makes it interesting being in a relationship. I don't know how he puts up with me most days...I can really be a jerk of a girl and we both know it. Yet he doesn't say goodbye to me...he says in a relationship you gotta love the flaws as well as the strong points. I guess that's true. We have differences. I don't think we agree on more then a handfull of things. We're constantly agreeing to disagree and it's halarious. We always seem to have those little cute fights where he wont leave my truck preference alone, or I won't let him be with his music selection. But that what makes it so fun to be with him. Oh man, I could go on and on about all the things I love about that guy, but I don't think you wanna hear me gush forever and ever. Ask me if you do, and I'd be happy to tell you about us! So yeah, I just thought I'd tell you a bit about that part of my life... ♥

Something Stupid

I hate making people mad. It's so hard when someones mad at me. I honestly have this feeling in the pit of my stomach until we make up. I just feel like crap. Especially when it's someone I love. And a big reason I'm always making people angry is because I'm the one who usually has to say no to things. I'm always saying no. Lately I'm not taking many risks, and I'm just staying where I know it's safe, and that hurts other people too, cuz they don't understand my thinking. And for someone to understand my thinking they'd have to be me. What do I do? And then I'll say something stupid without thinking. And hurt their feelings, they'll feel disrespected and ticked off and then I beat myself up over it. It always seems to be like that. I hate it!!! I am done with hurting people. I'm done with putting walls up between relationships. It's so hard! And I'm so disapointed in myself most times. The word "sorry" comes of out my mouth so much lately. Like right now, heavy chested because I said something stupid to someone without thinking. Stupid Ashton. Welcome to my silly life.

HOP

Going to go see HOP tonight! :D From what the reviews say it sounds like a pretty cute movie, so I'm pretty excited about it. And theater food. SHOOT! :( I'm not a not snacks after supper diet kind of deal with my mom...so I don't know if we're going to bend the rules for tonight or not? Let's hope, because cinema popcorn...is amazing. I love children's movies in general, but I would also love to see Arthur. Awe well, I'll see it when it comes out. Same with Beastly. I gotta see that too. It looks really really good. Anyone wanna see it with me? Believe it or not one favorite movie is The Lion King 2. Actually it's the best movie in the world, and with the best soundtrack. Another thing I wouldn't mind for my birthday. That...or a Hall jersey...A big #4 on the back...that'd be nice to sport around. But anyways. Has anyone seen HOP? Comment if you have...tell me how it is! Penny from the Big Bang Theory is in it, so it should be pretty good, she's a good actress. Oh what a show.

Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

WHY (the heck) may I ask you is it SNOWING OUTSIDE???? Isn't it supposed to be spring? It's despicable. That groundhog better be ASHAMED of himself. As soon as I have the money and the age, I'm moving far away from this place...somewhere were I don't just have to dream of sunlight until the middle of May...somewhere it's actually a possibility to wear something less then an FXR jacket before June! Somewhere were you aren't frowned upon if you don't have winter tires! OR WHERE YOU DON'T NEED THEM AT LEAST!!!! Somewhere you can wear sunglasses, for more purpose then to hold back your hair... GOODNIGHT.

Puddle Jumping With My Favorite Crazy

Me and Cassidy went on a very intense excursion. Through ice and slush, over mounds of snow and under branches of trees we jumped those puddles like our lives depended on it. And wow wasn't it ever the best time of our lives! I had a ball. Acting our age, that's dumb! Why not be absolutely stupid in public, that's much more fun. We looked so great. The skin tight, grade 5 splash pants Cassidy was wearing! Those were hawt. For sure. They didn't quite reach her ankles. It was hilarious. And then getting them off after we were soaked to the bone. That was an adventure too. I haven't been that cold for a long time. And then the mud fight we had. Prime moments of our lives.

And I Won't Give Up..

You wanna stick with those people...even when life gets tough and things don't go your way that they'll stand by you and not give up on you. You may be the most frusterating and confusing person in the world, but still those ones that truely truely love you, they'll stay by your side!! Now it's finding those people that is challenging.

Gone.(but.not).For.Ever

Death of a 16 year old boy. 16 years old. Death. Gone. For.Ever
How tragic. How utterly horrific and impossible.
I don't yet believe it. I know it happened, I just don't want to let my mind wrap itself around the whole thing. I didn't know the kid. I mean, he went to school with me and being in the same school with 100 other people, you're forced to be pretty close with everyone. So yes, we skipped skipping rope together in grade 4 or whatever, and played chicken tag, and all that, and we had talked before, nothing personal and we had zero communication the past 3 or 4 years, but a death is a death! That just means gone!
But does it really? I mean, gone yes, his spirit is no longer here with us. He's not walking the halls of Miller anymore. He will never go home to his mom and dad again, but his mom and dad will go home to him one day. He's not gone forever. Or atleast he doesn't have to be. Being in the Christian family, you're all brothers and sisters in Christ. Instead of goodbye, it's an "I'll be seeing you soon." We are all going to miss him, but it does bring comfort to think about where he is. A much better place then here on the all so confusing planet, Earth.
I heard multiple times today "I'm not very good at dealing with death." I hope no one ever has to be. Death is the hardest thing for most people, and it's confusing to know why God would let it happen. But I do think this tragic accident has touched a lof lives. It's touched mine. You know how close I'm holding my life today? And I'm trying to tell everyone I love how I feel about them. I need to do that more because you never know when your time or theirs will be.
And as long as I have the ones I love around me, nothing can be that bad. As long as I have God.
Today, 2 of my friends and I had a prayer circle in the hall. I would have never done that before this happened. This has put me on a spiritual high. It's pulling the whole school together. I just hear and see people who never ever talk, joining hands, and being there for eachother. To be that listening ear that everyone needs today.
It's sad to think about all the death I will have to deal with one day. My grandparents are getting older, my parents will eventually get old and die and I'll have to mourn every one of them. It's scary to think about. This gives me a huge reality check that we're nowhere close to invinsible.
Bad things happen.
I feel horrible for the family of that 16 year old boy. The parents were at our school today, and you wouldn't believe it. They weren't even crying. Maybe it hasn't hit them yet, but I'm thinking the actual truth is that God is huge in their lives right now. More then ever before. They're excepting it, and knowing they'll see their boy again someday. I can't believe this has happened though, yet. I don't think I will for a long time. I gotta let it sink in first...

Hmmm?

I just do not know what to say.

Participating In Life

I went the the Brandon Jazz Festival this past weekend. A great time really! My friends are funny children really. Silly Silly! The group M-Pact came. (A vocal jazz group) and they were jaw dropping amazing! The one guy said "it's a great thing, to be able to participate in life" and he was talking about that as in his music, and that is the truth. To be able to attend that music fest that's going on in nature by adding your voice and your talents in the mixture. That's why I sing :) My stupid guitar and capo are at school now. Can't play guitar for the next few days. I might just cry!!! :( Back to vocal jazz. All the groups were amazing and we really nailed the program too. Very well ladies!! I'm so proud of them all!!!!!

I Wish You Could Be Happy Instead

Darlin' by Avril Lavigne could describe many of the experiences with my friends...Many days. Trying my best to come up with something to say that will help them through the day, when really I can't do anything. I can't say anything to change the situation, and that's the truth of it. I don't always know what to say. I'm no superfriend.
"Pretty please, I know it's a drag,
wipe your eyes and put up your head
I wish you could be happy instead,
there's nothing else I can do,
but love you the best that I can"
It's a good song. :) But anyways. Being a bestfriend is hard sometimes. To always know what to say, and be a good shoulder to cry on. The definition of best friend isn't me.
But yet they keep up with me! Thank goodness, because I couldn't loose them for the world! honestly, they mean the world to me! And all our laughs and everything just gets me through the day!

Trust Me, Trust You

Trust. Something that takes years and years to build, and one second to break. That's how everything is. Relationships, friendships, hope, love, reputation, excitement..the list goes on. All the things people strive for it seems. And then all the feelings such as hate and anger can be stirred in a second and take years to repair. That's why life can be dumb. And various other reasons, that I won't go into detail with in this episode of blogging. I have had friends in the past that I've trusted with all my heart, and then one day it's just over by the snap of their finger, and we just stop talking, just like that. I don't get it. Although, that's junior high I suppose. You know, random silent treatment days, those are the greatest. You're standing there like "what the heck did I do?" It's kinda funny looking back on though. We thought we were so cool. I've learned so much in the past year. We tried to tell ourselves we weren't dramatic, all the people around us were, but I know for one thing, I was a dramatic person. I still can be to be perfectly honest. I suppose that's just how it goes, especially grade 7-8. What dumb hormonal years! Back to trust. I want so much for people to trust me, but I have to remind myself that's not how it goes. And I know how it takes me a long time to trust someone. A really long time sometimes. That's probably better then the "heart on my sleeve" aspect. Or maybe I'm missing out on some to be friendships? Not taking chances also isn't the way to be. Meh. I don't have to have all the answers yet I suppose. That's why blogs were invented. To vent. Somewhere to be opinionated. Well that's what I use mine for.

Perfection

Having the label "Christian" you're expected perfection and nothing less. That's not what you're gunna get from me. My youth paster/sunday school teacher made a comment that really got me thinking...
"Being a Christian doesn't mean you're perfect. It means you can find where perfect is." -Mike Wolfe

Can I Post Twice In One Night?

Serious blogging now!!! Or just serious boredom. Gotta love boredom. Some of the best times of my life are when I'm bored. Like waiting for the train to Churchill, MB with some of the coolest kids on earth! That was a trip of a lifetime! But wow, wouldn't that be a boring place to visit without the children I gallivanted with! Lol. Who says lol on a blog? Anyway. Or moments like when you're just so over tired and bored in a class like SocialStudies, Math, something that can't hold your attention...And there you are just zoned then hyper then laughing and then back to completely space bound. That's the good life! Or maybe that's just me. I don't know. And then boredom can be pull out my hair kind of deal and that's one of those shoot me now experiences. Weird how I'm blogging on boredom. I'm a cool kid right here. Yay! Laugh Out Loud. I'm sitting here with a dead expression on my face. Oh Internet lingo. ROFLMAO. I remember the day I realized what that meant. I felt so hip...supa fly. Or even something like "idk". Or "w/e"...or the classic "jk" oh and now the big thing is "ikr!" I'm all up on this cool stuff...Finally. Us Rosenfeld folk and our ignorance. :) Ignorance is bliss though. I suppose. Other then when it comes to facebook lingo. Ikr?

I'm In Love Alri-i-i-ight With My Crazy Beautiful Life :)

I am in love with life right now! I can't stop smiling sometimes. It's crazy, I feel insane, but it's so relieving. Being with the ones I love is my paradise. My best friends, my family and that special boy in my life. Yes, the boy on the right column. :) Heehee. But anyways. Everything just makes me super happy these days. All those little dumb things that I'd usually look over. See I'm not a very observant person in most situations...Or detailed for that matter. Like if I was supposed to make something out of sand, I would be the one with the bucket trying to make a huge mound of sand and label it "ant hill" not the one with the big dragon coming out of the ground with some poetic name. Yet I write. I don't know, God made me different, that's for sure. Smiling. Smiling. Smiling. That's what I'm doing right now actually. Probably cuz I'm listening to some great music. Yes. Flyleaf :) So why am I so happy? Beats me. But it's awesome either way!

Goodbye Facebook

Lent started yesterday, and I'm giving up Facebook. It's a relief actually! It's way too addicting and I'm on there way too much!
It's a long weekend this weekend. Thank Goodness. I'm done with school for the week. Burned out! Tonight I might be going to see Beastly so that's great! This weekend should be nice to rest up and prepare for another long week of school.
Sewing is over. *Few* Time for cooking. Oh my gosh. I am going to be horrible! :/ Whoever's in my kitchen will be sorry they're stuck with me! Gotta go! Time to go to schoool!
L8r G8r

And for He who I love most

Why is it that God is my #1 in everything, yet I completely shun him when the rubber meets the road? And why is God so hard to talk about? Or belief or anything along those lines? I'm not embrassaed, but it's not an easy topic to just happily come up...you know what I mean? Then I see something like all the stars in the sky, or a new baby that's born, and I think "why can't I bring myself to tell people about the love of my life?" That's the question that always seems to stump me. To show Christianity in school...I believe it's Psalm 107...I just came across a part of it the other day that really got me "Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!" Wow, powerful words right there. I don't wanna be ashamed infront of God that I haven't been the "good and faithful servant" I know I should be. It's frusterating! I can be such a robot of the world. Completely conform. Just like every other lost person out there. Aren't those who believe in a higher power, the Almighty God supposed to act it? To talk about it? Why can't we? Why can't I?

People Like That...

This boy...this one boy has been on my mind for the past 2 days. My grandma and grandpa had him at their place a few weekends a month, so I got to see him. His name's Jason and he's now out in Alberta...I doubt I'll see him again. Anyways, he's a foster kid. House to house, that kind of deal. Can you imagine being in and out of bad homes, from one mom and dad to another and to top that off, he was born with one leg shorter then the other so he cant run, or jump or play like the other children...yet he is the happiest boy on earth. He has one of those smiles, you can't find anywhere else. Just brighten up the whole room. So funny and plain loving life, despite the crap he's been through, and is still experiencing!! Why do people out here, people with everything they could ever ask for mope around like their life sucks when really someone like little Jason would kill for a life like that. I am one of those that takes everything I have for granted. One little thing happens and my world is shaken up, when really I should take a step back and thank God for what I have because I am fortunate! Reality checks are necessary when you have everything you could want and more! So little Jason will forever be my role model. I will always look up to that little 9 year old's smile, and one day maybe he can teach me to smile like that.

I wIsH i HaD a KiTe...

For someone who loves to write, and writes a lot for that matter, I sure am not keeping up with this blog! Maybe my problem is I have no idea what I should write. I gotta just cut loose and let my fingers do the talking. Alright lets try this. Randomness here I come. So...yesterday being no school, I think that made it pretty clear that March came in like a lion. Now lets see if it goes out like a lamb. You remember that saying? I do. I can not wait for winter to be OVER. I'm sick and tired of this cold blustery slump we're in. This is the death stage. *sigh* When I can finally break out the old kite...that I no longer have. HEY! Anyone who's reading this. Buy me a kite for my birthday! :) Which is in 3 months and 8 days! I'm almost 15! Isn't that exciting! I don't care what it looks like, colourfull is all that matters. Definitly just changed that to my facebook status.

...The Little Things That Make Life Great

Sometimes I stop and think about all the little things I so easily look over...the things that mean the most to me. You know, those little moments you catch the eyes of someone you love...The beauty of a sunset, how it dips into the traintracks across from my house...The smell of rain, and then a rainbow...All those things you don't think about til you think about ♥ That's what makes life great.

I Cant Wait Til 11/11/11

No nothing is going on 11/11/11 I just thought it was a clever title, and an exciting date. Crazy number of 1's. Oh and at 11:11 o'clock, 11 milliseconds. Only happens once in a lifetime :) Anyways. My day was GREAT! Crazy if you ask me. I was in one of those Ashton moods. So A.D.D. it's ridiculous. I don't think I actually have A.D.D. although I have no clue! I just couldn't stand still, I laughed WAY TO LOUD, chased people down the hall, just giggling my whole way along about Shweona and Freck. Don't even ask! I just got back form guitar practice about an hour ago. I'm playing the best song ever now. The House That Built Me -Miranda Lambert. Yeah, it's straight up amazing :) I can't wait til I'm a master! What else is there to say about my day? Not too much, although I get to completely crush my mood with L.A. homework tonight. OH joy. Should be a good time. I love L.A. but we're reading a super BORING book (in my opinion) and well that just sucks the fun right out of everything. And having to read it at home yet. KILL ME PLEASE?

Talents... Music... And Praising Him

Church this morning was the highlight of my week again, as always. Praise and worshiping. Beautiful sounds. I love how everyone gets so into the music. To look out amoung the croud and see the tears falling down faces of those so full-heartidly worshiping the only true God. It's a beautiful thing! I am so blessed to be able to be there up on stage, leading worship with all of them! This is really what keeps me wanting to play guitar. Glorifying God with that gift!

You call them FRIENDS? I call them freakin SISTERS FOR LIFE!

My Girls.

They make everything more enjoyable.

Let's start with my Lez Table girls. No, I'm not a lesbian! There's a story behind this. So the 10ish of us that sit there everyday for lunch in the cafeteria, where just minding our own buisness, eatin and talking and laughing our self silly like we always did. This group of super cool guys (as they think they are...losers) walk by with, got their "swagga" on. "Well this must be the lesbian table!" Okay buddy, you just came from an all guys table, what, are you the gay table then? You know, of course I didn't say that there, it's one of those situations where you think back and go "wow if only I could go back...that woulda been smart and witty of me to say!" Either way, we just laugh. From then on we've been the known "Lez Table." Those girls are the funniest, most crazy, amazing, beautiful girls ever! Eating with them every day is an honor! We're a gongshow group together. I will forever sit with these girls for lunch, and if I don't, then something is very wrong!

Okay, next are my best friends for freakin life! Scratch that SISTERS FOREVER! I have 2 best friends that mean the whole entire world to me! They're the only thing sometimes that pull me up when I fall hard and tell me "you know what, I understand that it sucks right now, but you gotta keep going!" And I thank them for that! It takes a real friends to be able to tell the truth like that. We're not always the friends we should be to one another, we fight, trust me, I know. But that's what true friends are. They fight, but then they come back and appologize, forgive and move on. That's why these girls will be my girls forever :D Oh we've had good times. AMAZING TIMES. Like drop down on the floor laughing til we pee kind of times! I live for those moments! Those little things that make your stomach hurt, you to loose your voice kind of laughing times! We have our deep talks, or crying in the stall kind of days, but that's what builds character! I love it. Every second with them. And I'm hoping these seconds won't change.

Seasons Are Changing

Change. What a confusing topic. Being near the end of winter, slowly changing to spring (which I'm hoping will HURRY UP) inspired me to post something on change. Want it or not it's a huge part of every one's lives. You wake up one morning and it seems your whole life seems to be re-arranged by this crazy dumb awesome terrible thing called change. Oh how it can hurt. And I'm not great at dealing with change. I love if I can make the changes, but have someone else dictate what's gonna happen? That tears me apart. It's like I have to do it for myself. That can be a pain. My grade 6 to grade 7 interval was strange. I swear to you, my life was taken by the neck, whipped around, turned upside down, shook up and then slowly put back on its feet. I lost my childhood best friend, which hurt more then either of us would have admit. I changed my complete group of friends. Honestly, I don't have one friend from my elementary years that's still close with me today. I changed my way of thinking. Little things. Big things. Some for the best and some not. I changed some of my hobbies, my interests, music, found some new things out about myself and misplaced others. For sure, it was hard. It was like death some days! But then you learn how to get up, and keep going. I am no expert at this art, honestly. But if you look back at everything you came from, most times there is a reason all that happened that you can only really see once it's all over with. I now see that I've gained some amazing friends for life! ...I will forever miss my childhood friend. But God's blessed me! Beauty through pain. There will be more change in my years to come, but right now I'm so happy with where I'm at. I trust God will lead me where he wants me to go, and just try my best to enjoy the ride.

Day 3 Of Learning How To Blog

Day 3. Here I come. Ever have those days? Every sewing machine I touch breaks. I swear to you I have a curse when it comes to Home Ec! It's so frustrating! Just not the best week for me in general. Getting sick, running the beep test (oh joy), ripping my jeans, sewing disasters, awesome stuff like that. Maybe next week will be better. Only 2 long days to go before the weekend. I hope I make it til then. =/ What does my weekend look like? Hopefully a sleepover with my bestie, then going to a Moose game with my other bestie, Spending some quality time doing some baking...failure! Sleeping. Should be eventful.

How To Start...How To Start?

Type a few words... *backspace, backspace, backspace* Type another few words... *backspace backspace.* How do I start this thing off? Maybe some Random Facts About Me! -I am so deadly afraid of heights -My biggest pet peeve is holes in socks -I burn everything I make -Me and my mom share clothes -My favorite colour is purple (figures huh) -I'm scared of toe socks -I love kite flying -I prefer summer over winter because of the temperature, but like winter sports better -My favorite ride at the carnival is the sky master :) -My favorite words is Phenomenon How's that for random?

Back To Blogging

...Hey I'm Back!

Welcome here again, I've deleted the old and started fresh with this blogging buisness. Exciting stuff really. I'm on here mostly because of Melody, thank you Mel for reinventing my idea of blogging! Well, and because I'm bored, sick, and at home with not too much to do. Happy Valentines Day, hey? Awe well, that's life!